Monday, January 03, 2011

Contemplations of Kinship: It is what it is.....

I have been hearing and noticing the increased number of people who've had to take custody of their children's children. I've heard the stories. I've heard the issues. But never in my consciousness ever believed it would happen to me....

Incidents of abuse and neglect perpetrated against my daughters children have promulgated a case file with the county authorities in my hometown. At the request of these authorities I attended a meeting/hearing that revealed to me that which I already knew in my heart. I had to take custody and guardianship. It was an all or nothing proposition. The authorities were saying that the only way to keep them from making the children wards of the state would be my willingness to take the kids. Dag... It is what it is....

Now, this scenario would severely rearrange my lifestyle. I am a very social person. My profession demands it.... I have been able to come and go, attend every event, concert, mixer, party that I wanted to without having to worry about childcare or children. Even as I have been married for over twenty years, we do not have children around us.... We live a very active, adult lifestyle. Children in our home would fundamentally change how we lived our lives. Yes, it changes things, but never never never would I allow the system to take my grandchildren.

And so, I have them. Two precocious 8 year olds... They are identical twins with a lot going for them. Almost immediately, we can see the change in attitude... there is a discernible difference in how they walk, talk and even approach their studies. We have introduced them to the action of the Pentecostal church. And the love they have received from our friends and church family has been mind boggling. even overwhelming. It is an altogether positive life experience. It is what it is....

And now, the reality of the situational economics rears its head. But hey, we gotta do what we gotta do to survive. It is what it is.... We've reached out to the county authorities and other so called resources. Some have been helpful, others less than. But nonetheless, we have to  complete massive paperwork, a LOT of bureaucracy and some headache. Can you say major hassle??? I am doing the best I can. It is what it is....

In the process, I have learned that this new role we have assumed is called kinship. Kinship....  They say that more and more grandparents are stepping up to raise their children's children. I am running into so many people who say they are also in the same situation. Grandparents who should be enjoying their life, are now having to do it all over again... raising children. Do we get the same rights? Is the system against us? Not really, but they don't make it easy. It is what it is.... or is it?????

I need some assistance with food. I need some support. What can the system offer? What if I make too much to get assistance? What are my options? Health Care? Do I add them to my health insurance? Can I get some ObamaCare? What about dental? What are my options....??

I want to keep them active. And so bills for Boys and Girls Club, sports, Boy Scouts, etc. so on and so forth are piling up.... But the investment is sound. and I am willing to invest the time into supporting their activities. It is what it is....

And so as I stand up and be there for these young boys, I know that my life's plan into this New Year is different. I have to make amendments to how I do things. How I look at things. How I move forth from this time forward. Things are different. It is what it is.

I have to learn to control my feelings of anger and disappointment with my daughter. The anger is completely non-productive with what we need to do with the boy' s life. In fact, I don't really know how to deal with the boy's mom. I don't need the stress she brings and her way of looking at life is completely adverse to how I look at things and I certainly don't need the mess.... It is what it is....


Kinship. A blessing. But not without a price....... It is what it is.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

This is great...